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Icarus, Adam & Eve Myth

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I sometimes think the icarus myth is a metaphor for falling from grace

And there is a correlate w adam and eve and sexuality

That picture summed it up without getting into detail. The harpies and sirens

He consummated passionately and was judged for it (the fall from grace)

Similar to what happened w adam and eve. The fruit… the fruit of a woman.

Throwing aside the shutters of the protestant work ethic and consuming the ripe fruit of a woman is the fall

But… I think… its within a certain context that isnt mentioned. Maybe adultery or taking something that is not his own. That part isnt spelled out. But those are the common motifs I’ve identified w

Or disregarding having a healthy respect for established rules and indulging ones unreasoned passions in a fit of inflation is the lesson being taught

There is a reason for the protestant work ethic. Harmony.

Indulge the unconscious passions in seclusion

There is a reason it’s in the unconscious

Maybe the lesson is if you knowingly acknowledge sexuality openly you are cast out. Or… having done so and become shameful you are cast out

You either be a player about it or you keep it to yourself

But there is no room for being openly shameful about it

That’s the pretext everyone lives up to. No one openly acknowledges it

I recall a feeling a falling when I held back on revealing my mistress to my former friend.
As if knowing there was no going back. Shutting that door and knowing the emotional scar it was going to leave
Acting in anger
Eddinger says a feeling of falling in dreams is the icarus motif. The fall of ego inflation to alienation.
The fall from grace

I addendumed the fall from grace bit

Knowing I was reveling in my act of vice for revenge purposes was a willful fall from grace (inflated state to a guilty alienated state). The act of capitalizing in the vice is the guilt trip fall leading straight into alienation

I held back but did reveal it. that’s when I felt the falling

Active imagination is all liminal. Hekate, underworld.

I’m watching some tutorials on tech. I can’t help but think these guys are super nerdy and lack people/woman skills

The idea struck me that society is set in such a way that we pair off. There isnt much purpose in being adept at women skills in that scenario

So….this gets back to adam and eve. the knowledge of good and evil, the fruit. That’s what the fruit symbolizes. Not the toil of ones labor that adam is shortly to pursue afterwards (protestant work ethic), but the taboo knowledge of sexuality that eve shared w adam.
I get the impression that that’s what the story is about

State breakdown

I’m not sure what year this is based on 

but the data is pulled from “State Rankings – Statistical Abstract of the United States” from Charles Zaiontz blog.

I’m working on multiple correlations and combinations and wanted to just check some things.

I derived z scores for each state and added them (excluding white, as I thought it was irrelevant to quality).  I inverted some values to make sure they made sense.

Chart should be self explanatory

Greco-Roman Magic

Magic and Magicians in the Greco-Roman World
Matthew W. Dickie

Magic in the Roman World (Religion in the First Christian Centuries)
Naomi Janowitz

Arcana Mundi
Georg Luck

Magic Witchcraft & Ghosts in the Greek and Roman Worlds: A Sourcebook
Daniel Ogden

Eros and Magic in the Renaissance
Ioan Petru Culianu

Cause, Principle, and Unity
Giordano Bruno

Ancient Magic: A Practitioner’s Guide to the Supernatural in Greece and Rome
Philip Matyszak

Witchcraft and Magic in Europe, Volume 2 Ancient Greece and Rome
Bengt Ankarloo & Stuart Clark


Part I

forewarning: This is not an invitation to lay judgement. Merely for me to relay my thoughts and give forewarning to others who may find themselves in similar situations.

Someone tried to sabotage me w a vial of drugs in my car. White powder, glove compartment. If I had gotten pulled over and went for my insurance …

This was found after I was laid off and after a secret investigation that was going on at my work unbeknownst to me that my wife knew of but had no idea the ramifications of… never underestimate the power of a rightfully upset spouse. (inconclusive, the concern was if my children were endangered)… all because I overshared at marriage therapy about altercations my wife and I had (thx Dr Ganz from the VA)… which started because of shit that went down over a lost platonic friendship. (Thx mom for the mother complex and abandonment anxiety).

Part of the reasons I moved out of the country.

I’ve been trying to figure it out. I have conjectures. 

At the time, I didnt have all these facts but I made my decision to move based on gut instincts from the way people had acted around me (sly smiles, left to my own devices for long periods of time while others worked around me, I swear they were scoping the floor to see if I was going to do something)… I honestly thought it was all from this failed platonic friendship fallout because she was the one acting differently from the start.

Someone overshared w me her pop tart status (enter madonna whore complex) to make me feel better for her having cut me off and so I shared w her her reputation inbetween contracts… verbatim

I was naive and thought she simply didnt wish to interact w me when it was more likely she reported me likely because of this oversharer. But my director had most likely vouched for me (and I probably looked unworkable w the investigation) but also entrapped me at the same time w her as a honeypot… and when I didnt go for that. My suspicion is the drugs.

My hunch is mr oversharer made a move towards her before I ever started there to CYA himself so she’d avoid me and never find out who told me she was a pop tart… How do I know this? My old employer called me and asked me about her directly before I ever even started there and I had told no one I even got the job (apparently fate had lined us up to start on the same day and I didnt even know she was going to be working there)… At the end of it (investigation, layoff and all), I’m sure she felt justified for avoiding me.

My initial suspicion of the drugs found in my car was this was from some love tryst from the platonic friendship.

Then I thought it was my old director using his low level men cuz he doesnt want to get his hands dirty.

I’m starting to see the why angle from him.

I didnt measure up because I had my own stressors and I was making people look bad. So… why not make me look bad in return?

Then I thought it might be a mix of both. But then I also thought I was way over thinking it. The parse answer is usually the best one.

I moved because of all this clandestine weirdness I feared a blacklist and eventual homelessness.

Moving and joblessness puts a lot of stress on a man and my wife and I got into it again and she called the cops. I advised her not to and left the house. More than one reason why I’ve considered divorce… My negotiation to keep my kids was no contact for 1 week until she flew out… and they would close the case. Only because we had prior plans to move.

Im glad I had made those calls else history would have repeated with my children being taken from me. I had no control over the secret investigation and how they determined things. A big reason I dont trust our system. An agencies jobs is to give a paper trail. And that’s what they gave me. I cant teach kids now thanks to all that.

When my wife eventually did reveal to me about the investigation at my old employer. Pieces started to fit more. My wife told me they asked her if I had a bomb! A fucking bomb! Why would they ask that? Good question. I had to think and the piece that fit was I had a green Univision bag w me my last day of work of which I had a really awesome hat inside. Hat never went anywhere because my gut instinct told me “I dont care joshua” meant not to pursue it further. So I took the bag w me. But no one else knew what was in the bag.

To recap

A director who had me brought in looked bad. One of his low level women texted me the day I laid blame at my platonic friends feet (for the drugs). Semiotics. Because hekate causes shit from afar and my guess is I mislaid blame on my platonic friend. Why would she go to such a length? I assumed angst and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but I never realized who else might have angst with me. Secret enemies. Corporate people having vetted me and then… poof… borderline bp2 trauma drama for all involved. And a lot of lost friends because of it.

That’s how corporate life left a bad taste in my mouth.

These have been my demons, the shadows in the back of my mind.

Part II

society causes people to judge

first through employers pre filtering candidates and people always in need of a job so they “keep up appearances” by maintaining societal pretenses (avoid Fruedian Id at all costs unless you can make it as Nick Belziran)

second through gag orders, security clearances, and nda’s
People can’t speak freely in those situations. So they silently pre-judge without all the facts because they must make sense of it (they don’t suspend judgment [of belief] like Pyrhhonism suggests, #ataraxia). Ironically against the Christian tenant not to judge lest you be judged.
I was under investigation (not the first or second time I’ve been under a type of investigation in my life) which thanks to my wife and unknown to me at the time extended to my place of employment (I invited my kids to my place of employment once). It was a big jealous mess move on her part AND THE BIGGEST RUB IS SHE WAS IN ON IT thinking she was somehow getting back at me and they would in someway help her! My suspicion was there was a gag order in place along with an NDA.
Regardless of what I say, it didn’t look good. It involved me and my wife, but my kids became the focus and the end result was I still lost my job and I suspected a ruined reputation.

The agency involved dealt with kids and the reason they were brought in is because I admitted in therapy that our lack of communication has led to physical altercations between my wife and I. I was desperate and seeking help and the response I got was the therapist immediately decided to end therapy (after months) and say because of the admission he had to make a call and let an agency decide if there was any danger to my children… Needless to say I was pretty pissed.

The result of the investigation was inconclusive, but unknown to me at the time (thanks to my wife) there was a secret investigation going on at my place of employment (I invited my kids to my place of employment once). It was a big jealous mess move from her AND SHE WAS IN ON IT thinking she was somehow getting back at me and they would in someway help her! The agency couldn’t do anything about my wife and I because that was not their role, but they could put a black mark on me. I suspect they knew the power the investigation alone would have on my reputation. My impression is the reason the agency does such tactics is they want to make a call to them expensive. They want the family who uses them like a service to feel the pain. My mother used to call the cops on my dad as a kid in a similar tactic and on me. The cops got involved once and arrested my mom. I learned the cops are not your friend. You think they are going to come in and play peacemaker but that is not there role, which is rather to find fault and incarcerate so people stop using them like a free service.

While all this is going on. I didn’t understand why people were acting off. So I started to play around on my social media that I was into ALL SORTS OF STUFF. For example. Witches and dominant women (Hypatia was called a witch once, and Neoplatonism had Hekate, and I knew from a Christian angle, I might be judged under that light, so why not?). I knew if people asked, I could explain my angle. I thought they were acting weird because they thought I was under some type of duress from dominant women (which was not true in the slightest). I got resentful. I didn’t want to be around people who would judge me without asking. So I wanted would be Christians to feel uncomfortable around me if they were too afraid to ask and silently judge me.

The rapport of having such an investigation on you along with the need to keep it secret = silent judgement and a black mark in itself regardless of the outcome. People were not free to discuss, so they judged.

Where the hell is the/my 1st amendment on those moments.

So… this is why I have been frustrated and expressing my marital problems. Ironically it is now I who feels somewhat trapped by my circumstances. But… so be it. Amor fati. I own my own fate. I suspected something was amiss that no one would owe up to and I am glad I made the call to move to Mexico. I made that call under this weird duress that my wife had put me under that she was too blind to see. I explained the agency was not her friend, that we were going to have to work together to get out of this and that our children could be taken away.

I had to find a solution. Luckily for me, my wife was that solution. I also learned to respect the power of marital jealousy and I accepted the fact that I put myself in that situation. But I do not think the therapy worked in my favor at all. I felt I had to dig myself and my family out of the hole–that my wife and I had put my family into–alone.

When communication breaks down for so long and you feel what your bringing home isn’t valued… a man gives up hope. My intent wasn’t harm but rather subdue so I would be left alone. In moments of anger people act like idiots and my wife and I know how to push each others buttons and in those moments she would not let up, something therapy warned us about. Walk away, but sometimes your partner won’t [let you]. It’s never black and white, there are always two sides to a story. Society expects you to maintain a “tension of opposites” at all times generally through silence and dealing with your own emotions (therapy tried to get me “to listen” to her feelings and all it ever did was make me defensive for my side of the story). But sometimes you lose hold of the strings keeping the tension of opposites together. My wife’s idea of dealing with tension of opposites is silence and not self reflection (hell that’s what society wants you to do, not learn from these types of things, but to not share your stories and stay silent, so the social engineering and prison industrial complex can continue). Something I OBVIOUSLY don’t agree with. Why? Because I want someone to doxography me and learn something from all this. Just as I learned from Robin Williams how his marriage ended because of his own bipolar “silence”, just as I learned from Diogenes what NOT to do and end up homeless. And just as Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.”

In those toxic moments, I WANTED DIVORCE but I knew if I did, my name would never live it down. I also wanted to give my marriage a chance out and away from the pressures the rat race of pursuing two degrees (WITHOUT A GI BILL (remember, investigations 😉 ) while working full time with a family that had created the entire toxic environment in the first place (with many people involved). That was my life, and it was a very hellish balancing act of opposite emotions that had gotten out of hand. I knew if I divorced in those moments. That would be the end to my families story.

But I said to myself I would buy my wife her house not so much for her, but for my children and to clear my name, and to give my family another chance. That was the story I wanted, and the agency heard me.

Jung Archetypes and the Underworld

Continuing on Dionysius

This book details an experience similar to what I’ve been going through with Hypatia. Apparently these personal idealized exemplars serve as guides to the realm of the personal unconscious where one integrates subconscious elements of their personality into their conscious one in a process called individuation. (This is aside from conscious ego, which is one’s managed intentionally projected sense of self).

While in the personal unconscious (usually through a process of disassociation due to life stressors) one meets the unconscious conscious where the world of archetypes exists and one meets the… shadow!

The unconscious conscious/personal conscious nexus is what I gather is the “gateway to the underworld”, also known in Greek myth as “the realm of shades”. The anima[/animus] and shadow [normally] exist here beneath the conscious realm. Awareness through archetype discovery is the first step towards removal of any unconscious projections and integration [of those facets?] can begin. Describing Jung’s concept’s beyond this level might color it with interpretative bias. I’m only 3 chapters in.

Disclaimer: I’m integrating a little more than Jung writes about (underworld allusions), but I’m sure he was aware of these concepts as he himself draws many allusions to Greek myths, philosophy, and motifs.

alt-knn normalized using scaled z scores and cdf’s and an intercept of 0

I applied my skill with graphical design and overlaid two charts to capture the meaning and power of the new knn correlation matrix I derived. Yellow are positive yields. One can derive a distance4 (an aggregated value based on normalized z’s of each factor converted to cdf’s then these are averaged and then .5 is subtracted from them). This allows a fixed window and the ability to visually figure a cut-off threshold for positive yields! In this case. A distance4 threshold of -.08 would capture most of the positive yields and exclude the negative yields (I should systematically find this by iterating and finding min and max’s, akin to linear equations) (just count the dots, there’s only 118). This is the concept behind knn and classification. I can slide the slider from left to right and it tabulates the number of green vs yellow dots as success/failures based on the threshold set. I just found a way to exclude the need for a intercept in my regression formula, so I simply derive a slope and reduced all my vars to a single distance4 var (an improvement on the original knn model).

My guess is if mapped appropriately, this will fill a circle